Put It In Your Pantry with Your Cupcakes

Thursday, May 13, 2004

2 -- I am off my rocker and I need $100,000,000 (Kensington Village)

Reply to: anon-30851480@craigslist.org
Mon May 10th

Hello, My name is Herbert.

Just to make sure I get off on the right foot with you, I am clinically insane. My shrink says that If I don't stop pulling out my hair when I sleep, that I'll be bald in 3-6 months. I'm currently housing 4 different personalities in my head (Paul, Herbert, Shelly and Jackson). Paul is a black man who is into the rock group Foreigner, Herbert is a banker, Shelly is a fitness freak and Jackson is a jewish rapper from Queens. I'm also a terrible speller.

Anyway, I'm looking for someone to give me $100,000,000. I will be using the money for personal needs. I'm thinking of doing a movie, or maybe I will just move to Guam. Either way, it's not going to be cheap. I will put together the appropriate paperwork to present the transaction as a "loan".

However, it's imperative that the lender be relaxed about their investment in me as a person. It is possible that I will not be able to pay the loan back entirely. So, in lieu of any balance of the loan not paid back, I will be willing to forward my collection of highly unique and much valued antique rubber stamps. Valued on the Antique Road Show to be worth approximately $1,250.00. While that is a bit off the collateral watermark, it is widely believed that the rubber stamps will be worth over $10,000 by 2017. So, going by that, you are assured return on your investment in a couple hundred years. Your great, great grandchildren will be thankful.

To tell you a little about myself, I was orphaned at the age of 2 by my mother who, I've been told, was an underwater welder for Exxon. My father is an ex-patriot and lives in Spain and collects royalties on the hit he wrote for the little known band "Jesus Christ Air Rockets". The hit was titled, "I f#!k for Money". Perhaps, you've heard it. The adoption agency gave up all of this information after I approached my counselor with a baseball bat threatening to destroy all of her glass managerie (<-sp?).

Either way, I'm going to the nuthouse unless I do something great like make a movie (then I'll be accentric <-sp? as opposed to "insane") or I will move to indonesia and live among the meek.

Please reply to this email by email. There we can discuss further the implementation of the loan and the exchange of pleasantries.

I really enjoy being in shape.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
this is in or around Kensington Village

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