Put It In Your Pantry with Your Cupcakes

Saturday, March 20, 2004

TOP 25 REASONS TO MOVE TO CANADA--borrowed from PhanthropologyII and CaptnPerrywinkle

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money, but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. The government has no business telling me I can't have guns, but when you want to exercise freedom of choice, then it's time for a Constitutional amendment.

5. George W (6% unemployment, $87+ billion to Iraq, half-trillion dollar deficit) is doing a great job getting us out of the economic mess that Clinton (3.8% unemployment, peace, huge surplus) got us into.

6. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

7. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

8. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

9. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

10. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

11. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

12. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

13. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

14. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

15. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush couldn't find Bin Laden.

16. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about nonexistent Weapons of Mass Destruction to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

17. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

18. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

19. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

20. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

21. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

22. We have to run background checks on every Muslim traveler to the U.S.because those bastards killed 2,800 Americans on 9/11, but a
background check on gun buyers? No way! 15,000 gun-related deaths in the U.S.? C'mon. Guns don't kill people; people kill people.

23. We're leaving no child behind. Entire public school systems, that's another story.

24. Americans shouldn't buy imported goods, but other countries should all buy our stuff.

25. The Right is still bashing a president who's been out of office for three years, who made our economy healthy, and who didn't alienate the
rest of the world's leaders. The minute anyone says anything about little Georgie, it's wrong.
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